Carson

I had to put my dog down. It was, without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever done.

He'd been deteorating for a while. The vet didn't give me a definative diagnosis. She semed to hide behind "we need to do more tests." Part of me will always resent her for not just giving me the bad news that It was cancer. Edward and I got home from a day trip to Orlando on satirday and he was much much worse. I took him to the emergency room.

The vet was so kind. He didn't sugar coat it he just gave it to me straight.

There were choices to be made. Do I want to be in the room? What do i want to do with his remains? All the time I've had him I've projected my own fear of dying alone into him and there was no way I could not be there when he went. They put a cathedor in his leg. The he came in with several injections. I held him and told him how wonderful he was and how much he meant to me... Carson, not the vet... I was bawling as was Edward. The vet gave un the shots one by one and his heart stopped. The vet listened with the stethescope and told me he was gone.

Today, I went back to work and it was so very odd coming home to a house without him. Words can' describe how much I will miss him.

Goodbye

They say the things that make you the most angry are the things you see in other people that you hate about yourself. I get angry when people don't have the balls to give you bad news. I had to put my dog, carson down. Thing is, I knew it was cancer. My **EX** vet who I don't recommend anyone use for anything other than yearly shots, she did all kinds of tests 6 months ago and I think she knew then it was cancer but was like... we need to do this test and we need to do that test and $500 later.... still no diagnosis.

I went to the 24 hour clinic on 22nd north. The vet took one look at Carson and said, I could do a bunch of tests to confirm it, but that dog has cancer and it's only going to get worse. You need to euthanize him before it gets any worse.

I hate it when I can't give people bad news.

I never want to do that to anyone.

Goodbye carson. I love you. God, please care for carson, he's my baby doggy and I love him.

Belated birthday

In Orlando today to wish my mom a belated birthday. I bought lunch at
a restaurant in epcot called The Coral Reef. Great food , but the re-
themed the restaurant around the movie Finding Nemo and it just looks
"whored out."

Carson, my do continues to worsen. Poor puppy. I'm going to try a new
vet first of the week.

_____________________
Sent from my iPhone

Carson

about 13 years ago my friends rick and Myra and I went to joleton, which is a small rural suburb of Nashville to look at a litter of beagle puppies. The runt of the litter was he only one that wasn't spoke for and I claimed him. He's lying beside me in the same bed I had when I cradle him through his first night away from his mom. He's ill and most likely won't make it through this year. He has a couple different infections and most likely cancer. He has been an almost constant companion for the last 13 years of my life and i can't cry for him.

I don't know why.

I love him more than life itself. I can't understand this lack of emotion. It's not fear. And its not loss, because he's still here. He's the same old Carson I've always known, albeit a little worse for wear.

I can't feel for him. It's like I'm numb.

I am woman hear me roar

so my friend jo just got back from the middle east. She's been working as an advertising exec for a small new media company in Abu Dabbi which is one of the United Arab Emerates. You always hear about how sexist the middle east is, but to hear stories of just blatent sexual harrassment andhow it propegated by every facet of both culture and government really boggles the mind. When I think about the issues that I'm having with my female coworkers and how catty and just absolutely evil they can be to each other, I sometimes wonder if an all-male workplace would actually be a good thing.

go west

so the roomate has a new boyfriend. He lives in Seattle. Really nice guy. For his birthday I promised the roomate a trip west. I've always wanted to see San Franciso and maybe the northwest. With the advent of the new boyfriend we now have a base of operations in Seattle. So Seattle Tom as I now call him to differentiate between him and avery other Tom in my life, Seattle Tom, goes every year to this gay summer camp outside Portland Oregon.
Now I'm a geek. A big one. And a queen. "roughing it" to me is lack of wi-fi. So I'm kinda reticent about the whole "camp" thing. Seattle Tom has encouraged me to go and, of course the roomate is going. So I'm thinking I might give it a try. Apparetly they have "dormatory-type" cabins which are heated by not air conditioned. ...sigh... Who knows I might have fun.

i'm scum

I forgot my mom's birthday. I feel horrible. On top of that I had a really bad day at work today. Not that that in any way compares with your own son forgetting your birthday. She's always there for me and I just completely blow her off like that. Good god, I'm horrible. So what do you get your mom after you've forgotton her birthday 2 years in a row? A new son. That's what you get her.
hangin around
nothin to do but frown
rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Currently

• Current phone: apple iphone
• Currently watching:
  
  • TV:the 4400, Jekyll, Wire in the Blood season 5, Rick & Steve: the happiest gay couple on earth
  • Movies: Transformers, harry potter and the order of the pheonix
• Currently planning: trip to seattle
• Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (I should get it from amazon this week)
• Currently musical obsesion: Robin Thicke
• Currently eating: pizz-ookie at BJ's on park blvd.
• Currently drinking: blue moon
• Currently learning: ruby on rails
• Currently launching: Textmate, Coda
• Currently booting: macbook black
• Currently bagging: Manhattan Portege Messenger Bag medium from ebags
• Currently loving: Jeffrey Donovan from Burn Notice (pictured at right)
• Currently disgusted by: anything Hilton, Paris or perez.

Anno iphonus - in the year of our iPhone

So I'm one week into my anno iphonus, my year of using an iPhone

I have to say that I love it every bit as much as I thought I would.
I'm blogging from the movie theatre waiting for harry potter to start.
As promised, I'm getting used to the keyboard. But I do wish mail and
SMS worked in landscape mode. More to come .

_____________________
Sent from my iPhone

The summer of iPhone

So I've been playing with my iPhone for a few days now and I have to
say that I'm impressed with the the amount of thought and care that
has gone into both the software and the hardware. What it does, it
does very well. I have to believe that what it cannot do well it does
not attempt. I have very high expectations for this platform over the
next few years and have every reason to believe they will be met.

Sent from my iPhone

Dramatic Prarie Dog

I have no idea why, but this clip amuses me to no end.