The New Adjective

"Diabetic"... I'm adding it today to my blog title. I was diagnosed in September. Since then, i've been on a interesting journey of medication, herbal cures and lo-carb diets. I came out as a diabetic to my family and at work and I must say, for all the emotion over coming out gay, this one was somewhat worse. Because coming out diabetic carries with it a stigma of gluttony. That I somehow ate myself into diabetes. I know looking from the outside in, I always criticized people in my mind for their diabetic issues without realizing I did it.

But my dad was diabetic. His dad was diabetic. No less than 7 people on my mom's side had the disease. So here's the question. If I was 198 lbs rather than 298 would I still be diabetic? Is my weight CAUSING the diabetes or is my weight caused by the diabetes. Or are they both issues brought about by something else entirely? The chicken or the egg? I don't think anyone can say for sure, but be sure that the two are interrelated. I, however prefer to think of it as being owned by my machines.

If you saw the movie WALL-E you remember all the humans in that film were pudgy because they embraced inactivity and sloth and their every need was "cared for" by robots. This is quite possibly the most culturally subversive movie to hit the box office since Network. The idea that our automobiles and computers are owning us is a cultural movement that's been fomenting for hundreds of years and has its biggest advocate in the man vs machine idea that made Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein' so very compelling 5 generations ago. The Buddhists believe that the things that you own begin to own you. And given the state of my life and the people around me, I believe that to be true.

Two different co-workers had to remove and re-install the HVAC systems in their homes in the past week or so. Set aside the fact that it's thousands of dollars out of pocket but the idea that you're required to spend that much money on something to maintain your current quality of life to me is an anathema. I have trouble with the idea that I have to pay the government every year for a car I already own. So look at it in the context of the story of Frankenstein. The machine we've created owns you. Fork it over. Give me $5000. You've been owned.

I don't know how to live any way other than the way I live. I've created a life where 70% of my daily activities consist of me sitting down typing on a machine. But the machines have owned me.

And on top of of my battle with the machines, I now have to fight the first law of thermodynamics.

The Hero or the Villain

The current project i'm working on is my company's website. Just for background's sake, we do TONS of websites for other people, that's why our current site is more than 5 years old. As a company we could never justify spending company resources on something that was, in effect, still working and "good" just maybe not the design we wanted. Well, starting about 2 years ago I got the project and have since been moved to other "more important" projects having to set that one on hold. Now its coming down to the end of the project and i'm completely and totally alone. I'm the sole programmer on the project and it will succeed or fail based on my performance. I'm either the hero or the villain. I either get a raise or I get fired. Almost no in between.

If you read this blog you'll know I recently went to the Big Nerd Ranch for their cocoa programming class from the i-ching of cocoa programming himself Aaron Hillegass and while I was there I started reading some of his blog. He had a blog entry where he talked about how your performance goes up when your chance of success is not assured.

So what is my chance of success for this project... i'd put it about 50/50. And by "chance of success" i mean chance of the rest of the company perceiving this website as a success. Depending on how the rollout goes and how many issues arise from the website after rollout, that will determine the perception of the site. Fifty-fifty. So far the site is 400+ files and will probably be more before it's all said and done with. Debugging team: me. Testing: 3 or 4 people in marketing... no business analysts, no testing analyst. And really and truely, no project owners. Because it's the company's website most everyone involved in the project doesn't really take ownership of the site. They don't feel like their job is on the line if the project fails. But mine is.

Nerd Camp Pre Day 7

Nerd Camp Pre Day 6

Nerd Camp Pre Day 5

Nerd Camp Pre Day 4

Nerd Camp Pre-day 3

Nerd Camp pre-day 2

Nerd Camp pre-day 1

Israeli policy

1 God told Abram: "Leave your country, your family, and your father's home for a land that I will show you.

2-3 I'll make you a great nation
and bless you.
I'll make you famous;
you'll be a blessing.
I'll bless those who bless you;
those who curse you I'll curse.
All the families of the Earth
will be blessed through you."

Genesis 12

There's no easy way to explain the current United States policy toward israel outside of this scripture. So many people wonder why the US has taken sides with Israel when they've allegedly "committed such heinous acts" and whenever they respond to a threat it's so incredibly disproportionate to the perceived threat. The answer is simply stated: Don't fuck with the jews.

So much of our policy is predicated on this promise to Abraham that it might as well be enshrined in law in the US. We as a nation are convinced that no matter the prevailing winds of public opinion we will not take sides against "God's people" Lest we invoke the flip side of that promise... "the curse."

I went to private schools all my life, most of whom were Fundamentalist Evangelical in their leanings. I was taught from a very early age to have respect for "God's People." I was taught that a nation rises and falls with its deference to that passage in Genesis. And it seems, I was not alone.